Monday, March 19, 2018

My Soul Cycle Audition


Photography: Ella B Photo
Top: Free People / Bra: Free People / Jeans: Rag & Bone (similar here) / Bag: Vici (similar here) / Sunnies: Quay / Boots: Vince Camuto (similar here) / Bracelet: old similar here and here / Choker: Nordstrom / Necklace: Alixandra Collections c/o / Lips: Pucker & Pout - 2x First Love 1x Aussie Rose
I promised I would update you on the audition, and here is the update. I didn't make it through the Soul Cycle instructor audition, but I know some amazing souls that moved on. Since some people I knew made it further than me makes my heart is happy because I know that they will make for some kick ass instructors. 

How am I do I feel about not making it through?

So many different emotions flooded my mind when I didn't hear my bike number called for round 2 of the audition. The audition was made up of two rounds for this tour with the first part consisting of your form on the bike, and the second part being on the podium. I knew that my form wasn't going to be as strong as others since I've only been riding since January so being cut for my form wasn't a huge shock to me. I would of rather been cut based on my form now versus my ability to lead a class.

Once I left the studio I text some friends to let them know how the audition went, and immediately talked to AE on the phone. While I was talking to her the logical part of my brain wasn't super upset about the outcome of Sunday. Once I got off the phone to drive home a flood of emotions started to take over my whole body. I found myself crying uncontrollably, and housing this feeling of emptiness. 

Why was I so upset? Why was this feeling of emptiness creating a hole in my heart?

It wasn't until this morning that I realized why I felt so strongly about Sunday. 

Being a dr wife comes with lots of challenges, and one of them is accepting that you are going to be alone... a lot. This year I learned that I needed to create my own happiness outside of the home since Todd's unpredictable schedule left me feeling frustrated and alone. I knew that life was going to be like this going into this with Todd becoming a dr, but I don't think anyone can emotionally prepare themselves for the process.  I was in a bad place during the fall with trying to find my happiness in Dallas, and when winter hit I found a deeper passion for what I do. Pure Barre has become such an amazing platform for me to teach, inspire, motivate, and touch peoples lives. I wake up everyday with passion and excitement for what I do, and can't imagine my life without it ( I promise this will tie in). Through Pure Barre I met so many of my friends that have completely changed my life here in Dallas. 

With the move to Danville coming up I will have to make a decision to either A) give up teaching Pure Barre for 4 years or B) drive 1 45 minutes to teach in another city. When the Soul Cycle auditions came up I noticed that there was a SC in Philly, which is 2-3 hours away from Danville. If I made it as a SC instructor in Philly then I would have to move there to work, and could keep teaching both methods. Having Todd and I live apart for a little bit worked in my mind because I could keep doing what I love, and we could see each other on the days he was off from the hospital. Being happy and busy trumps the feeling of being alone, and not being able to do the things that makes me feel passionate about life.

When I didn't make it through the audition my hear hurt.
The audition wasn't a black and white situation because it represented so much more than being a Soul Cycle instructor. It represented hope that I could find my happiness on a platform that I have fallen in love with. It represented having to move to another city in Pennsylvania to work for companies that I love. It represented having something that forced me out of a place where I would feel alone again. 

6 comments:

  1. Are there any other barre studios in Danville, other than Pure Barre, that you could look into? Hopefully you can find fulfillment in your new home. Best wishes. I was turned down as an instructor before (after already teaching other types of fitness) and it was hurtful. I am sorry for your situation.

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    1. Danville is such a small city that boutique workouts aren't there. I'm sure I will find something to fulfill me, but as of now it's hard to see where and what can give me that immediate fulfillment when we move in a few months.

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  2. Well stink. I am so sorry for 1, being cut, and 2, that you're going through this. I'm not a MD wife, though a lot of my friends are- and we have many conversations about that feeling of being alone. Well, alone AND relocating. There's not a way to sugarcoat it, because it still stings. I know it sounds cliche, but the Lord has a plan (and your back) and I'm sending prayers and hugs from Kansas.

    -Adriele

    StyleAssisted.com

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    1. Thank you so much Adriele for taking the time out of your day to write such a beautiful message. I appreciate all the love you have shown me. I know in the end it will all work out, but that doesn't mean that the process in between is always the most fun.

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  3. I’m sorry that you’re going through this, but your resiliency shines through! I went to college in Bloomsburg, which is very close to Danville. You will find a lot to love about that area, but yes, it’s a very small town. (And I assume your husband will be at Geisinger, which is amazing!). I promise civilization isn’t too far away...you HAVE to take a trip east on the turnpike to the King Of Prussia mall. It is INSANE. I’ll meet you there. ;)

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  4. Unbelievable work man!! Keep your heads high you probably did it.
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